in my holiday. one sided love.

holiday! less than a month left..hmm...i found myself a part time job, temporary promoter for back to school promotion...before that, i went to JOHOR to shopping...with my cousin.not bad, i came back with some new cloths for CNY and secondhand cloths from my singapore's cousins...i miss my girls, my friends, my classmates, my classroom...next year, we will be studying at a new classroom, a bigger and newer classroom, 5sc2...hoping that no one changing class, still maintain the same faces...for one more year in SMCC...

one sided love, what's so great about loving someone who doesnt love you...thats stupid, very stupid...people just treat you as his toy...sex toy, love toy..argh, whatever..just a toy...there's no love for you...stop it girl..dont cry for him anymore...he is a JERK! *to console myself*
i know everything i did will just equal to zero...but, i love him..thats all...why cant he feels it? i get only "sorry"...can the word sorry cure me? NO! wtf! a jerk is a jerk, he will never be an angel...lol... what a stupid quote..

都怪我心太软

怎么办呢？明明就已经答应自己，不可以再见他了。咳。。。烦啊！他总是在我脑海里跑来跑去，向坚持不见他都难。真的搞不懂他心里到底在想什么。说分手的也是他，拉着我的手不放的也是他。怎么搞的！啊！！！怎么办怎么办？！！！

one week left.

holiday soon! final exam still havent finish, but, after the biology and physics tests, i felt more relax already. but chemistry and addmaths still ahead. zzz. hmm. suddenly feels like, "huh? holiday? uhhmm...i dont want...it will be very bored..." not very clear about my feelings right now. i want to be at home, alone. want to tell everyone to leave me alone, just..ignore me for awhile. at the same time, i thinks that, how good if i can gather along with my girls and forget about all those damn shit problems...sigh..he's back for a week. wanted to see him, badly. but...no way! i dont want to ask him to come for me, it is so embarrassing. just wait as if he ask me for a date. lol. its all about face-saving. so stupid.

那些回忆依然是那么的清晰

i can still remember how we met for the first time. it was chinese new year, and my parents goes overseas. i was so bad to do that. but i will never regret for doing it. that was the time, i fell in love with you. love in the first sight, it sounds stupid actually. when we went out for the second or maybe the third time, i hold your hand. lol. you let go of me using the most stupid way i ever seen. i cant stop laughing about it everytime i think about it. how cute you are. remember our first date? we went to the beach. PCB, you said, because it is the nearest beach. ah, lazy you. valentines, you cant celebrates it with me, basketball match at KL that day. you called me after the match, you were window shopping that time, and you asked me about what i want for valentines, i said, i dont need anything, but you bought a purse for me. thank you, i love it so much. all the memories, the good times we've been through together, i will always remember, and i never want to forget them. they are just too nice for me. thanks for your eight months.   always available for you, just for you.

the sun came out today.

kinda warm today. not too cold and not too hot, i like it. honestly, in this kinda weather, it is the best time to do chores. i was thinking about doing something else like, cleaning my messy and dusty room, but not sitting here and online. i want to get away from this fucking stupid laptop. oh man, its exam larh...study please...last year, someone told me that, i will addicted to my computer someday. that time, i promised him i wont. but hmm..looks like, he's right, totally right about it. wtf! this is crazy..whole day, nothing but online...what the hell am i doing now?! fuck off from this stupid laptop and go get yourself ready for tomorrow's exam!! stupid bitch!!!!!! argh!!!!

cold cold night.

raining. cold. sigh. this makes me think alots..how is he now? hmm...its raining these days, hope he is fine. aiks! stop thinking about that stupid guy. ah, flood is coming to kb. is it a good news?! if there's flood, we can have an early holiday, but, what about the exam? do we need to come to school within the year end holiday just to take the exam??! i dont think this is a good idea. and if really flooded, i got to cancel my plan to go to johor, but i already bought the ticket! wahseh, very mao dun leh...........

two of my new boy friends.

not boyfriend, but boys friends. they are so sweeeeeeet. well. they accompanied me as i cried for my failure love. it is still nice to have such a friends. we dont know each other very well, but they comforts me like we are best friends. they called me 2 times a day respectively for two days,  friday and saturday. thanks them for being with me and concerning about me. it is just so good to have friends.

ah, saturday.

planned to study my sejarah. but..u know, study in front of the computer wont work. lol. lazeeeeeeeeeee. hmm. wish for the time to go faster. exam makes me feels stress.

let everything go, and starts my new day.

final exam~

mummy! I dont want to study anymore! :'(
gao meng ah~(cantonese)
next week! its next week already!
wtf! we can still playing like nothing going to happens..
study hard guys!

listening to zhang hui mei's songs. missing you. thinking about when can meet you again, i should say, can i still meet you? i really just dont understand why. am i scary or what? am i wrong to say i love you? or i miss you? but i really do. forget about it. fed up. and i am glad that, i am starting to hate you. maybe thats what you want, you want me to hate you and leave you alone. blablabla. giving me those stupid excuses. i hate it man. i told you before, if you dont like it, tell me. i will go away silently. you thought i am happy to do this? i just follow my feelings. now i am curious, why you changed so much? met the girl that can make you a good boy already? lol. shut up!

23rd October

eureen, thanks me. haha. i am really happy to see you wearing skirt, it looks good on you. and i am happy to be with you girls. you guys rocks! love you guys very much. we should plan to make a party next time. i am sure that it will be fun. cant sleep for so many nights, finally can sleep well with the help of carlsberg. i hope i can drunk, and forget about those annoying problems. feels so pressure. sigh  x100.

Its a big mistake.

In less than two weeks, it will be the 2009 final exam. Seriously, I am worried about my results. Hmm. No study or homeworks at home, my stupid habit. Thats the problem. People says: 本性难移. Its true. Sigh. LiLi oi~ What to do with you la~? In additional, my lappy is in my little room, and its just right beside of my bed. Gosh. I tried to lock this lappy in my mum's room before, but I get it back in 5 hours time. Sigh (again).
Exam exam. Failure failure.

Love things, complicted and nuisance. It makes me, lost. Cant get myself out of this. I like him. Aiks! Its time to study hard.

sick of my behaviour.

hmm. i am so emotional lately. think a lots, acted weird too. too many problems in me, family, a guy, school stuff, friends. felt so pressure. my room, is my world. lock myself in this little room, talk to myself, facebook, blogging. thats all. i am going to be crazy, very soon. argh!

14/10

这两天的情绪很不稳定，总觉得，好像全世界的人都和我有仇。今天在班上的态度好差，对朋友很没有礼貌，感到好抱歉。心情超烂，好像找人谈谈。好像打给他，可是我不能。刚刚上bio课，朋友问起我今天的态度，我真的好想讲，不过，连我自己都不知道为什么，怎么讲？我想，可能是因为家人吧。最近我都把那人的是摆在一边，不去想他，偶尔还是会想起他对我说过的话，但也还好，我已经习惯了。不知道为什么，最近，我感到好寂寞，突然好害怕，这种感觉，那就是一个人在家的感觉。以前，我都很喜欢的。自从妈开始作这直销，我就有着被遗忘的感觉。家里的人都好像忘了有我的存在。大哥整天呆在大嫂家里不回来，二哥已被爸爸赶出去了，妈常去旅行，爸爸呢，最好不要回来。这个家虽然不大，但只剩下我一个人，太没意思了。真的又想过要找辅导老师谈谈，但是，这样好吗？心情好烦。

WTF!

fever, flu, gastric, period...all came to me in one day?! insane! my antibody is totally OUT lately. last time, these kinda small matter wont beat me down, but today, i gotta surrender. lol. very sick now. i wish i can sleep now until forever. suffering in a serious insomnia these few nights. argh! problemssssssssssssss all around me, my mind and body. doesnt feels goood at all! any medicine for me? medicine to sleep until forever? suicide? zz.

我爱的人和曾经爱我的人

我爱的那个人，他，已不再爱我了。
他，曾经是那么的疼我，照顾我。
我一直是那么得深爱着他，但我却没有勇气留住他。
也许，他是唯一能让我落泪的人吧。
也许，他是唯一能让我感到，爱一个人的辛苦与幸福。
也许，我再也不会在遇到这样的一个人了。
我曾经为他流过许多眼泪，幸福的眼泪，痛苦的眼泪。。
为什么，人总是会变？
为什么，他变了？难道，我也在无形中，变了？
我爱的人，他已深深的，伤害了我。
我却依旧，喜欢着他。
离开他，并不是因为我恨。
而是因为，我累了。
不可能忘记他。
因为他，曾经是我生命中最重要的人。
我要他知道，我已经长大了。
我不会再为了爱，而伤害我自己。
这也是我对自己的承诺。

When Love Comes Around,

I currently addicted to a song, 'knock you down' by Keri Hilson.
I like it months ago. Listening to it now. Everyday indeed.
I likes the way its lyrics sounds. Thats what I want to express.
"I never thought be in love like this.
When I look at you my mind goes on a trip.
And you came in and knocked me on my face.
Feels like I'm in the race
But I already won first place.
I never thought I, fall for you as hard as I did.
You got me thinking about our life, our house and kids.
Every morning I look at you and smile.
Boy, you came around, and you knocked me down.
Sometimes love comes around, if it knocks you down.
Just get back up when it knocks you down."

Happy Mooncakes Festival, to me??

中秋节，没和最爱的人过， 真没意义。
昨晚和朋友到学校‘庆中秋’的说。
算了，我们只在哪儿看甜蜜。拜托！
真是的！到处都是双双对对，怎么搞的！
好啦好啦，我承认了，我吃醋！
人家刚刚失恋嘛。这也是难怪我会这样。
多么想飞到吉隆玻，找他庆祝。
天啊！！！！

C.R.Y.I.N.G

Do you ever cry when you listening to some emotional songs?
It feels so bad when those songs plays..
Cant help myself from droping my tears...
I already tried my best not to find him..
But this is killing me badly..
I miss him =(
Maybe I am wrong..
Maybe the message shouldn't be sent...
Suffering in the pain...my heart breaks...
I am sorry..
Sorry to you, darling..
Sorry to myself as well..
How do you do these days?
Why don't you online today?
Everythings ok there?
Sleep well these days?
Found someone to talk with before sleep?
Can I still be the one?
I already used to it..
Felt uneasy these nights...
Couldn't fall asleep without taking with you..
Would you still be with me when I need you?
Game over, I told myself eveytime I thinking about you..
But...Can I make it, to be continue?
Darling, where are you now?
I needed you badly now...
='(

Doesnt feels good at all.

Ended..i ends it..its me. Yes its true, lili does it. As everyone want me to. My friends said, its useless to tolerate with this kinda guy, I make them worry. I think about this for a week or maybe two weeks already, forgot. I think that, maybe I should go back to my friends, I need them more than a guy who doesn't know what is love. He came to my house today, it was my idea. I asked him to come, I really miss him alots, and I wanted to meet him for the last time? Hmm..not yet last time,not that serious. Meet him as my boy for the last time. I hugged him tightly, kissed him. I love him. TT. I sent him the message after he went back. He didn reply. Hmm. I tried not to be sad. But..its hard. But I didn drops my tears, friends! I felt guilty. So, you thought its easy to let go a guy that you loved very much? NO! My mood now is...dont know. Blank! Totally Blank! Cant even think right now. Does he mad at me? Am I doing the right thing? Argh!!!! Kai Long dear, I am sorry! Love you...

blur blur

feels so dizzy today, hmm..why izzit like that? am i sick? no way! i am going to bangkok next week, i dont want to miss my special holiday...bangkok man! shopping paradise! i want to go! i dont want to get sick..omg! omg! omg! dont want =(

errr...forget about it, nothing will happen on me..xD hmm, feels so sweet while talking with him on skype last night...we didn talked about any, what they call, 甜言蜜语..we never do..but, talking about future and daily life make our distance nearer..i like it when he talked about his dream, he become so energetic..thats what i love about him...although sometimes, what he said are too unrealistic..but he should talk more, he is getting cooler and cooler, its make me worry..

books checking is over, thanks god..yet, tons of homework are still waiting for me...i am lazy!!! i dont want to do homework!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!! homeworksss, go away!!! stress betul!!!

i think i want to let go

last night, a whole night, i thinking of our relationships..hmm...you said you are emotional these days, i know that..and i try not to talk about unhappy things, i told gags..but you seems doesnt want to listen to me and trying to insult me..well, i know i am annoying these days, i kept finding you and talk about things you doesnt like..but i need you to know that, i dont want you to feels alone..i want to be there, but its impossible, you know that right??? dear, i miss you alot..it makes me feels lonely...you never did something to make me feels sweet, i know, i know this is your love style..i didn expect you to give me anything, i just want you to talk properly to me, be friendly to me..please..thinking of, to let go..but, its a hard decision for me..for you, its whatever..dont you feels sad or..guilty??? our relationship now is facing a serious problem...we doesnt talked much these days..your attitude is so bad, you make me affraid of to talk with you..be good dear..take good care of yourself, i worried about you all the time...and dear, i am your girlfriend, thats what a girlfriend should do..dont ask why anymore..

(how good if i got the guts to tells him this...he will never know how sad i am right now)

down!!!!

what happened to me? my hand is shivering..and  feels like want to punch someone's face...well, i want to punch him!!! that stupid crab!!! useless! never cares for me..hey! i am damn upset now!!! can you show a little concern for me?! f*cking bad mood!


i am hungry man! what can i have for my dinner??? maggi again?! no way! its boring to have maggi for meals everytime..what else can be eaten?!!! hmm...
aiks! dont want to eat anything already, damn lazy..nevermind, it is not the first time for me...used to it already..


everybody in this house are out for weekend party...me??? sleep at home, woke up, facebook, drink some HL milk, watch some ghost movies, read some stupid articles, watch some facts from the National Geography Channel..oh sucks! this kinda life is really sucks!!!!!! hey time, run faster, please!!

妈！

每天放学回到家。。
都需要鼓起很大的勇气来开门。。。
因为知道，所谓的家。。
虽然不大，但它是个空了的壳。。
常听同学们抱怨母亲煮的食物多么的难吃。。
心想，他们好幸福。。。
自从哥哥交了这位女朋友，
妈妈就很少下厨。。
几乎每一天的晚餐都是，经济饭！
常常乐观得想说，有的吃就好。。。
一天又一天。。还是会闷啊！
想想，我也很久没吃到妈妈煮的饭了，好怀念。。
家里空空荡荡的，好无聊。。。
每一次，难得想到很好的话题，想跟妈妈说。。
她都会跟我说，忙。。
或心不在焉的，根本没在听我说。。真扫兴！
多么想告诉她。。
妈，我有好多话想跟你说啊! 可以听我讲吗？
写着写着。。眼泪也跟着流了下来。。
好无奈。。

I love him

ok, admit it! i like him a lot..
i dont care what my friends said about him..
i just like him...
i like the way he talk to me..
i like the way he sing to me...
i like the way he look at me..
i like his everything...
maybe other girl may not accept the way he treat a girl..
but i still like it..
but still..there's some problem between both of us..
i dont know what is the problem...
i just dont like it..
hmm..i wonder what is in his mind...
he told me, maybe you should find someone new..
this is the third time he said that to me..
is that a clue for me? to leave?
no way! but...
i dont know...i just dont want that to happen again...
everything will be just fine, i wish..

waiting for his call...
he will call me, hope so..
why we became so cool?
what is the reason actually??
everytime i think about the question..
my tears dropped automatically..=(

what I have done..xD

I am really tired of doing those notes and homeworks..
fed up! really lazy for it..
I am going to chop down my hand, because it is painful as I start writing since 8pm until 3.30am...
I wonder why am I so lazy?
I dont even want to touch the book cover, affraid of doing homework...
somebody help me~

hope it is true..

oh dear, know what...
i dream of you everynight...
i felt so weird....
really, almost everynight i saw you in my dream...
hehe..quite funny also..
sweet too!! xD
i missed you...

our class, 4sc2

look! its 4sc2...haha..sometimes, i felt that, our class has get over many many of problems, it is kinda funny because all the problems caused by our childishness...zzZ..we might looks like we are all very close to each other..yes, it is true, but not all of us are friends...maybe its because of those problems..some of them still cannot forgive each other..but luckily, it wont affect our image...haha..we keep our image in a very good condition, i mean the image of friendships...lol...the photo has proved it..we all love that photo..every year, when there were to takes photographs for class, some pupils would absents for some reasons...but this year is special, 4sc2 2009, nobody absent..every one came for our precious moment..if we were to compare to other classes, we are the craziest among them..hahaha...even the teacher joined us! we called our class "rocks class!" =.=' i really no idea why is it happened...but i like it..xD 4sc2 rocks!

no guts..

感到好笨拙。。
我没胆子说分手。。。
听到你的声音，
我就感到很舍不得。。
好爱好爱。。好爱好爱。。
好像第一次谈恋爱的感觉。。
很妙，很特别。。
我爱你，这三个字。。
虽然彼此都未曾说给对方。。
但，你我，比谁都还要清楚。。
我常告诉你，我想你。。
相信我，我真得很想你。。。
多么希望你也跟我一样，想念。。
思念是一种病。。
这句话果然没错。。
我整个人，就好像病了一样。。
一点胃口都没有。。。
相思病，我的一位朋友开玩笑的说到。。
我想，我真的是得了相思病吧。。
真是的！为什么是我呢？？
以前，我都认为说青春期恋爱。。。
只是拉拉小手，说说情话。。
看来，它没那么简单吧。。
它已改变了我。。
把我给变弱了。。
我那大大的胆子呢？豪爽的个性呢？
这次，我真的玩大了。。
我脱不了身了，怎么办呢？
烦啊！！！

what should i do now?

waiting for your call...
waiting...
wait...
......
....
...
look at the phone...
waiting for the phone to ring...
msn hasn't calls..
no reply from you on facebook...
are you so mad at me?
am i the one who need to be sorry?
hey, please..
think of me...
i am the one who need to be love...

我可以感觉到。。
都是我一厢情愿的。。
如果。。
如果这一切都未曾发生，那该多好。。
如果。。。
我可以不那么主动，那该多好。。。
我知道，我昨晚是有点情绪化。。
不过，我真得很希望可得到你的关心。。。
真的真的。。很希望，你还是爱我的。。。

should i says sorry to you?

last night was a nightmare for me..
i cant control my emotion...
felt sorry for that...
i scolded you..
i know you are angry...
but, hey! i need your concern...
show some love to me..
i am in the real bad mood..
and you never ask and comfort...
now, who is going to say sorry???
me? again???
i am the one who always took the first step to say sorry..
why didn you be the one who take action??
i am really tired..shall we stop it here?
or wait for one of us to walk forward?
why cant you be more gentlemen?

I can feels it..

hmm..are we going to end this story??
i can feels that you doesnt like me anymore...
does my feeling's true? is it true??
can i know how you feel? can i??
can you tell me? please..
who am i to you?
am i still your girlfriend??
its your birthday today..
how i wish i can celebrates it with you...
i am unhappy today...
i just get scolded by my father...
can you comfort me? like you did it last time...
i need you now...can you make it for me??

i guess i can just shout out my feelings through here..
but all i have done, you dont know..
you dont even want to know..
where are you now?
who helps you to celebrate your birthday?
how's your day?
did you feels better today?? still pain???
i am so worried about you..
you should take care of yourself...
be careful.....

totally disappointed!

feels like wana punish myself badly..
term test results are out..
i am going to kill myself for it...
the results is totally BAD!
i told myself not to cry for it..
i didn cry...but i cant smile at all...
well, i know its my fault..
felt so sorry to myself...
and my parents as well...
sorry for didn took it seriously..
SORRY!!
next exam will be the last exam for this year..
and it will be a test for myself..
if i done it badly...hmm
then its time to think about letting him down...
admit it, he is everything now...
cant concentrate in anthing...just him...
this time, i am serious...
i want to study hard!!!

wtf!

maybe its because yesterday, i played too hard and doesnt sleep well...i feels tired and doesnt have any mood to do anything and feels irritating...i asked him about the lunch today, and he said cannot, and i..replied a msg to shows that i am angry to him..no reply from him afterward..
i was sitting there trying calm myself down and did some revision for exams...those guys was so noisy and kept saying me with those annoying words..huh! feels like slapping on them..
exams goes like how it should...my head is blank and sleepy...hmm..not a good signs to me...
lol..i just feels very bad today...sucks! aiks, i am tired for two days already, sleep!

yesterday was fun!

friends and i followed the history society on a trip to terengganu..we paid rm20 for it...the teacher said, only 40 students can take part..she came to our class to asked about this one day (months ago)..we are so excited and ask our friends from other class to go along..so, yesterday we went to terengganu..=.='
ok, 40 persons, organized by history society..but what a joke, theres only about 10 of us was the member of the society...and almost all of us is from form 4, and we are all very closed...and we are all the craziest in form 4..wakakakaka...
first station, masjid crystal, 11.40am-12.40pm
me, hui ling, siew see, hwee ping, wisni and arr vin..the group of yell! duhhh...because, wherever we go, we shouted..haha..at there, we went for paddling..ahhh here, arrr there...insane! the lake was not very big, so, people around there can hear us very clearly..ish ish...tired and hungry after that..haha..
next, bazaar and pasar payang, 1.oopm-2.30pm
wtf! we walked for almost 15minutes to find food at the pasar payang, and we regretted, the food there was, eham! we shouldnt followed the teacher, but our friends, they go to bazaar there..there were more clean and...singapore's star were shooting for drama there...loll...after the lunch there, we ran to bazaar...and and, we took photos with the actor and actress, although we dono their name...haha...the actor was so handsome! ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! shouted again in the public...zzZ...everyone there laughed at us, gila punya they think..wakakaka...on the bus, all of us discussed about it, and...ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! shouted again...again and again...
next, giant, 3.20pm-4.20pm
omg, my legs feels so pain that time, so i decided to buy a pair of slipper to change...uhh! feels more cool after wearing the slipper..we just simply walked inside the giant(wanted to feels the aircond actually)...and bought something to cool us down...toilet as well...nothing special at there, but as usual, nonstop yelling...hahaha....insane!
last stop, kerepok lekor, 4.30pm-5.00pm
hmm...i didn went down to buy, just asked my friend to help...we just stay on the bus and talk, eat and....yell! lolllll...so mush fun on the bus...took photos, and knew try to know more about friends from the other classes...and shouts together...hahahaha...we enjoy shouting..
we never stop yelling and talking since 8.00am-8.00pm..12hours! really insane! but we love it..all were tired and doesnt want to think about the examination on the next day...go home, bathe, and sleep...no time for revision also..we enjoy a lot..and now still waiting for the photos from our friends who bring the camera...wooh!! so excited!

luckily..

i found out that i am really useless..
i called him last night..
talked in an impatient tone...
he knew that i am unhappy with him..
but he is a guy that never show his care to anyone..
like a chinese word: 爱你在心里口难开
yeah, thats true..
that is the best word to say about him..
he said he is going to gives his mum a big surprise..
i told him, i would like you to give me a surprise too..
but the problem is, you doesnt want to see me..
he got angry, woohoo..damn scary..xP
he scolded me about that...
know what? i love when he were scolding me..
not because he looks cute or sounds cute...
its because, he never scold me!
this morning, he sent me a message..
showed me his apology...
'sorry for talked so loudly to you last night'
he still care for me, right?
hope that he can spend a little time for me on the coming sunday..
i miss him a lot..dreamed about him too..
addicted to him...
although he is not my dream guy..=.='
but he is more than enough for me...

cold tonight..
and this make me feels, lonely...
the storm outside, make me feels scare...
waiting for his call..
but well, i made my stupid decision, to call him..
however, he didn answered the phone..
went out, i guess...
or maybe, he is trying to avoid me...
anti-lili??? =.=
what the hell is so wrong to love someone deeply??
i admit, i addicted on him...with no reason..
i am tired of waiting the phone everyday..
and being the person who is putting so much effort on a relationship is tiring..
i fed up...i am giving up...

算了吧，就这样忘了吧。。。

该放就放，再想也没有用。。。

你总该为自己想想未来。。。

the lyrics is telling me to give up..

feels like crying inside my heart...

should i continue to wait for your precious phone call???

or just forget about you??

it is too much my dear...

i love you, and i wish for your love too..

i miss you..

i will collapse one day..

why should we suffer like this?! =.=
why am i so timid??
i shouldnt beg him back, right?
it just making me more upset..
but i miss him..love him alot...
he is everything..
think of him every seconds...
kai long kai long kai long...
aiks! so bothering...
am i so annoying to you?
who am i to you actually?
i didn perform the way you want me to?
do you still love me?
can you treat me the way you should? i mean, the way a boyfriend treat his girlfriend..
seems like i am the one who done everything to maintain this relationship..u didn care much about it...i am tired..
can you do something on it too?
or maybe we should stop it here?
however, i dont want this to happen...
i want to yours till forever...
i didn see you for a month already...
you know what, it feels like a year..!
i hate the feelings of missing you...
wish to see you as soon as possible...
but the problem is, you doesnt act like you want to..
home is all you want...
i just need your 1 hour...
an hour will grab away your precious life?
that 1 hour will make me happy for life..
dont you want to meet me too?
why?
dont you miss me too?
why just me who suffering that way?
why cant you make me happy?
i want my boyfriend to love me too...
just other girls...need the care from their lover..
i hope that you will realize it one day...
realize that, there's a girl, loving you..
still waiting for you to save her....
i love you dear...
miss you as well...
take care darling..

life and love..

well..didn get my blog updated for quite a long time..
all kinda matter happening everyday...
and it corrupts my emotion..
sometimes crazy..
sometimes joyful...
sometimes upset...
and sometimes worry..
life is just so, wonderful??
hmm..it is a game!
however, we have no choice but to accept the challenge...
yet, we should love it...
some says, love is the most important in our life..
some says, love is just nothing, money is what we need..
and some of them says, we only need ourself to live..
for me, the most important thing is FRIENDS..
let the FAMILY to be second..
third comes the LOVE...
we cant live without friends and family right???
love? yeah, it is important as well..
but, it is dangerous..because "love is blind"..lolx
it's true! hey girls, dont ever trust a guy...
so hard to found a guy who can really love you...
most of them just take girl as their toy..
find you when they need you..
left you aside when there's another toy...
oh guys..please...take a good look on your own girlfiend..
see, how good they are..
they are still waiting you at home...
learn to appreciate your girl..she's yours...

good!!!!

If you've got a run of parties and functions over several nights, you'll probably have to forfeit at least a few of the recommended seven or eight hours sleep a night. The problem is, a few late nights in a row can lead to ''sleep debt,'' leaving us fatigued, irritable and unfocused.

The good news is that sleep debt can be repaid. Firstly, if you know you have a few big nights ahead, try to tack an extra hour onto your nightly sleep pattern so that you have some sleep hours in the bank. Once the merry-go-round has stopped, make sure you get some catch-up sleep again, by getting a couple of early nights in a row and making sure you get a minimum of seven to eight hours in the nights following.

i can sleep more in the weekends...to pay my 'sleep dept'...hahahaha

what a bad bad day!

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!
i lost my rm30...
the one who has taken it, will be curse hardly! huh!!!!!!
AKU DALAM KEADAAN "SESOK" NIH!!!!!!!!!!!! nate betul!
must start all over again...T.T
i need my money back larh...give it back to me, s*cker!!!!!!!!
damn it! ! @%#!$#@%&*$!@%#@#$@!!!!!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

haiz...forget about it...it wont come back to u, lili...
today was really a damn bad day...kns!
woke up late this morning, the bus came in just...
ten minutes time....rush rush!
in the school, rush again..
for mathematics and addmaths homework..
4 graph for mathematics..
5 questions with a lot of children for addmaths...
many among us, did it from the first period until the last period..
duhhhhhh...we are really tired with it today...
homework for today, much more compare to yesterday...wtf!
i am sleepy!!!!!!! and i wanna watch the drama........=.='
on the assembly, principal remind us about the coming EXAM!
lol..exam again..i thought the mid-year exam is just over...
now, "ujian penggal kedua" again..ish ish...
so many things need to be done..
luckily the school activities is all finished..
if not, i had to busy for my persatuan...
those school activities sometimes is just so annoying...

----------------------------------------------------------------------

today is the 5th day u went to KL...
what have u done in this 5 days???
do u sleep well these days????
what are u doing now????
have u eaten your lunch today????
what do u eat for your meals???
prepared for 1st july?????
hmmm...miss u every day and night...

----------------------------------------------------------------------

aiks..dont think about him already, lili!
go and take a little nap..and get your homework done!
argh! headache is attacking me again...and GASTRIC!
ish! gastric all the time, wassup with u la, stomach oi~

promised to wait!

u said, wanna pause our relationship....
actually i dont agree with it...
but..its your decision..
i dont want to make things difficult..
it is hard for me to let u down...
didn sleep well these days...my pimples pops out..
hmm..i know u love me..i can feel it very well..
i know u are changing for me...thx dear!
i appreciate your love..
i am changing for u too...@@
i think about it these days...
i follow your decision, your plan...
and i will wait for u, for 6 years...
the test for both of us..
hope we can make it..i wished for it!
love u dear! miss u as well..
hope u done well and make your wish come true..
to buy a car, a house and to marry me! ^^
u're the right one for me, i know...muacks!

what is going on now?

u told me that, u dont want to see me sad and sad...so, u end it..but, u still love me, u said...hmm...u treat me like nothing ever happened before...its hurt! what is in your mind? did u planned something? what is your plan then? i really dont understand...u said, after six years, if i am still single, then i am yours...lol...is it a test? or u are escaping something? can u give me an answer that i can really understand? what is our relationship now? friend or lover? who am i to u? hmm..just a girl that u used to know on msn, like many other else? or just a girl who came to u and bumped on u, so u accept her because u dont know how to reject her?
what is your feeling when u said u want to end it? do u ever feel sad? or u feel happy with it? do u still love me? hmm...i dont want to lose u, hope u will know that...

sch reopen soon!

lalalalala~ gonna back to sch soon!
lollll...the two weeks of sch holiday is really BORING~
i worked with those bitches, damn it..
well..they actually not that bad...
just their stupid mouth...
good words never come out from their mouth...
and they talk a lot too....
talked all time....
once, a customer called one of them, to ask abt products..
but she's busy gossip-ing, didn noticed abt the customer..
then that customer shout for her...
and scold her for talking too much...
i sit beside her, doing my work...and secretly laugh for it..
and once more...
i m making the bill for a customer...
and there's some problem stopped me..
so, i shout for her....
because the customer is waiting...and i dont like it...
but, no one heard me..WTF!!!!
i m so HOT that time...
i went to them, and pinched that stupid IDA...
duhhhh....i shout for her already...padan muka lah!
she is the one who always make me angry..
always tease me with those hurting words....
but my reaction is, smile!
what can i do? my cant speak well in kelantan malay..
so, i smile~ lol
yesterday is the last day i work there, no more in the future..
i get my money, although it is just a little of them..
but i take the money to pay my debts...worth it..^^

cant wait for the sch reopen!!!
lolllll...as usual...homeworkssssssssss~
i didn touch them yet...>.<
what a bad student! ish ish..
still waiting for what?!!! do ur homework!!
all my pens, out of ink..duhhhhhhhhhhhh..
nasib la..(my dear's word, haha)
woi, lili! dont be so lazy larh, aiyo!

sorry

today, we went out...
i planned to go to hui ling's house first...
after that we can go for dating, until 8pm..
but...my plan spoiled...
on the way to hui ling's house,
i am so unhappy with him...
he keep teasing me, and i dont like it...
well, we didn found huiling's house...
so, we went to bachok...
like other couples, we sat beside the beach, facing the sea..
feels sweet...>.<
around 4.30pm...he said he promised her sisters,
to bring them to swimming..so, we left...
in the car, he said he gonna sent me home first...
i stared at him..i wanna tell him that..
"today, i got the chance to come out with u till night...
i dont wanna go home yet!"
but dont know why..its hard for me to say that...
i just wanna spend the time with him..not much time left..
he is going to KL soon...i wanna be with him more for now..
why he couldn't understand how i feel..
i doesn't talk much along the way home...
i didn reply his sms after that...
until just now, he told me, through msn...
he said that he is sorry and told me that...
he get scolded this morning, thats why he acting like that..
he never tell me his problem..dont want me to worry, he said..
at least let me know...so we can canceled today's date..
or let me comfort him, right???
or maybe i am the one who made mistake..
i should notice that he is unhappy..
yes, i am wrong....
i felt so sorry to him :(
i didn show my care to him when he needed me..
i mad at him while he is facing some problems...
I AM SORRY DARLING!
i promise, to treat u better...
love u more..
understand u better..
be your very good wifey...
i love you dear!!!!!!!!

that's mean u are going to leave..

he called me...told me a news..
good news for him, but not so good for me...
said that the mercedes benz company called him..
about the apprentice training program...
he get the offer...he was so happy..
of course, i am happy too...that is what he wished for..
but...at the same time, i am unhappy...
he is going to leave soon...
three years, maybe six years...
what should i do now?
no chance to go out...
wanted to see him...

----------------------------------------------------------

tired day...down...
i broke my mum's food container...
she is not happy with it...
done many mistakes today....
everything's just not right...
sleepy day...didnt sleep well for almost 2 weeks...
body ache, gastrics, headache, dizzy..
all came to me, in the same time...
not my day..

exams ended, holiday started..

talk about exam, errrr...just fine..
add maths, errr...not easy for me, logarithm..aiks..
chemistry, hmm..same...blank!
english and bahasa malaysia still ok for me, hope so..
others, haizz..now, its ended...cant wait to know the result..
hope those teachers can took their time to mark them carefully in this two weeks holiday...

holidays...dont like it actually, i prefer schooling..>.<
at least i can learn something in school..
holiday, stay at home..online, sleeping, tv, EAT..
loll...but how CUTE my mum was...
she find a part time job for me..
start from tomorrow...:(
although i can spend my holiday to make some money..
but..its tough for me..i got to face those malays girls..T.T
those bitches always bully me..dont like them..
what a holiday..

one more weeks...

ok, exams..wth...
maths, easy...but still, worried..
physics, oh my god...this time i really broke my record..
i never left so much blank before...duhh =.='
well..regret doesnt help...just wait and see how's the result..
aiks..i really no good in physics...dont understand why..
it suppose to be an easy score subject to me...but...
hmm...not at all...i promised myself..go for it, physics! lolll
one more weeks to go, exam...haizzz...
what la...exams really sucks ok..

lol..i must say this,
dont have a boyfriend while you are still study!
dont thought that you can concentrate on both..NO!
(i mean, myself) duhh....
it affects my studies..T.T
and one more thing..
dont online in your exam week....lolllllllll
ok, now i am....=.=
thats why, i cant do well in exam..so, dont!

hmm..
just...ADD OIL lili!

exams..

ok, admit it...
this time exams...will be, failed!
hmm...i tried my best, ok?
yesterday, prinsip perakaunan...like shit..
today, biology...enzymes! i didn read about it lerrrr...
tomorrow, sejarah...dono what's gonna happen..
maybe..fail also..
the most i worried now is, add maths...
well...i must say it, since form 4...
i had became a "maths idiot"...lollll
i dont like add maths actually, especially function..
no way! i hate to use brain..sure die this time..
don like exam!

something is wrong

hmm...i didn update my blog for quite a long time...
now i back to my blog...miss blogging..

well..
i didn meet him for one week..ONE whole week..
dont like the feeling of missing...
but he seems to aviod from meeting me..
(i hope my feels is wrong)
'busy', 'tired' his excuses...
'ok, rest more' thats what i can say..
i always wondering,
'what is he doing now?'
'is he really busy working?'
'did he lie to me?'
'does he still love me?'
'what will happen between us?'
'will this relationship end soon?'
i know i should trust him...
i shouldn't think so much..
but..

hmm..
maybe i did the wrong decision..
i shouldn't hold his hand..
i shouldn't add him on msn...
but i still must admit that, i AM in love with a guy that i know for less than half year..duhh..
i want this relationship to continue in a better mode..
and i hope it will...

lolll..
now, about my parents...
just one comment for them,
failure...
i am sorry to said that...but its true...
hmm..just want to keep it private....

MID YEAR EXAM coming..
the time seems to past rapidly....
recall..
i had learned nothing! lol
study hard lili...!!!

ILY TKL

weird weird weird...i cried...for him???
juz a small matter, i cried????
this isn't my style..i wont cry for guys...
what happen to me???
love is blind??? ya, i think so.....
he treat me cool these days...
he said he is busy..i trust him, i really do..
but i just cant accept the complaint of my friend..
my friend want me to becareful, he is kinda womenizer..
wth?? i know he is not..but i just cant control myself for asking him those weird questions...i dono what to do with it now...STUPID LILI!!!!
i m worried now...worried about our relationship...
i love this guy so much...he is so special to me...
stupid stupid stupid!

at home

ya i know that i am not a good girl for u...
but what is the reason???? i am curious...
i often stay at home, because u never allowed me to go out with friends...i never says anything about this, i know this is for my own good...
u know what, no entertainment for me at home, just online and tv and SLEEP...thats what i can do at home...but u scold me for doing it too....what can i do?? housework??? please larh..no one like to do housework...u want me to do housework everyday??? no way! i can do it once a week, but not daily...
get scold EVERYDAY..no fun at all...i can still bear it, i am already used to it...but...i'm gonna get crazy SOON...

cousins~~

my parents who had just been to my little aunt's house, in johor, came back with some videos of my three cousins...they are really cute...especially en jie, the youngest daughter of my aunt...the eldest was en thong, followed by en rou, then en jie...all girls~~ lolx...they are all born in kelantan, but stayed in johor...
September 2008, my little aunt came back to kelantan with her two daughters, at the same time, she was pregnant...then my lilttle cousin borned in December 2008...and then back to johor again on the 6th day of chinese new year....they had stayed here for nearly half year...thats why, we are closed....
after they get back to johor, we all here miss our girls so so much...miss their voice, their cute smile and day of laughter with them....lol >.<
here's the video of en jie, my baby cousin...

she is playing on my dad's sexy chest...gosh, she's really cute...in the video, her sis is talking to her, and she answered her, in the word that no one can understand it...haha...

look at her...haha...she's so funny, she'd tried so hard to get up, but still cant..haha so cute..one thing that we cant stand about her is, she cant see her mom, if she saw he mom, no one can touch her...she cant leave her mom...ish...

19/4

mum and dad is coming back...
haizz..no fun...
sorry dear, for hold up your time...
u are suppose to work these day, but u are vf me...
actually i am disappointed today...
because, tonite is the last nite...
my parents is coming back tomorrow...
i want to be with u larh....but...
nevermind la...work is more important to u...
i think i am too greedy...the time vf u is never enuf..
sorry~~~

hmm...quite tired today...
i slept 2am in the morning, woke up at 5.40am...
red house today, i must stayback until 6pm...
lolll...6 until 6...extremely tiring...
haiz...still have some homework must be done...
dont know what time can i sleep tonite..
i am SLEEPY!!!

i thought that lazy to cook dinner tonite...
but my bro asked about dinner...
my bro seldom ask me to cook for him....
so i decided to cook.....cook coook cooook....
ish...don like it actually..
and my eyes was so tired...
alamak~~ burnt!! >.<
wakakaka....insane, really insane....
cutted my finger pulok tuh..ish ish...
really blur la me...
here's an advice from me...
>> DO NOT cook if u are tired；
>> CONCENTRATE on what u cook..=.='